At lunch this week, a co-worker overheard me talking to my mom’s caregiver. When I hung up, he asked me, “What exactly does a caregiver do?” While at first I thought the answer to be pretty obvious, I realized it is more complex.

I learned over the last few years that the right caregiver can do far more than provide care.

My mom’s caregiver plays a number of different roles, including:

• A friend. Just like having a roommate, the caregiver and your loved one will spend a lot of time together. And just like a roommate, a caregiver and your loved one can become great friends (or not, but that’s a different discussion). My mom and her caregiver have become very good friends, going to events together, watching movies together and chatting like good friends do. At many times, the “caregiver” side of their relationship is minimized, and they are friends. This is a good thing!

• A listener. The transition to assisted living can be difficult for many people. You’ve probably read my mom’s story . It was especially difficult for her to move from being so independent to becoming so dependent. Caregivers can be great listeners and counselors. In many cases, their experience gives them a far greater understanding of these challenges than you, and they can be a great resource for your loved one to talk through the issues.

• A cheerleader. It can be tough to get motivated for the activities of the day, physical or occupational therapy or just to get out of pajamas in the morning. It’s often tough for all of us. Caregivers can serve as a great cheerleader, giving pep talks when necessary to get out and enjoy the activities of the day.

• A big brother or sister. Often in assisted living, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. A caregiver can be the first line of defense to ensure your loved one gets what they need, when they need it.

For families, caregivers can play a whole different set of important roles, including:

• Your eyes and ears. While I am lucky enough to live close to my mom, many families live far away from their loved ones. A caregiver can be your eyes and ears about general care, food, services, activities and all the other daily things. They can also share with you the reality of things, as sometimes situations can get exaggerated. Being defensive as we are, it’s good to get both sides of the story before you approach management with a complaint. Example: sometimes my mom thinks I am overprotective, so I stay in touch with her caregiver to make sure things are okay while at the same time giving my mom her space.

• A concierge. It takes a lot of coordination to get your loved one to activities, doctor appointments, beauty appointments, therapy, etc. Each one of these things requires phone calls, follow up, etc. A caregiver can help to off-load much of these from you and help manage your loved ones daily weekly and monthly calen...

Proximity is just one of the considerations that families take into account when it comes to choosing an assisted living community for an elderly loved one. In fact, in our recent Assisted Living Family Attitudes and Preparedness Report , 77% of respondents said that proximity to their home is among their top three considerations. And subsequently, a corresponding number will choose a facility within 25 miles of their home.

However, situations do arise when you have to be far away from your elderly loved ones in their new home. So while you may not be there socially, you can still be a huge asset to the family goal of caring for its loved ones.

Below are four ways a long-distance family member can contribute to effective caregiving.

Identify and Organize Your Family Support Network

Whether you live in close proximity to or far away from your loved one, caring for a loved one in assisted living is not a one-person job. You need to meet with all family members and delegate responsibilities. These will include designating who will keep others informed, who will backstop other people who might be unavailable, and who will make decisions in cases of emergency.

Keep a list of contact information and make copies for everyone. Also include other important numbers like those in the community where your loved one is staying, your family physician’s clinic, and your family legal counsel’s office. Other significant organizations or groups located nearby who may be able to help you in special instances should also be listed.

Organize All Documents And Records

Make sure all important identity, financial, legal, and insurance documents are located, organized, and stored properly. Inform other family members of the location of such documents. Financial and insurance documents will be important to help finance the needs of your loved one for the duration of assisted living and beyond. Legal documents need to be filled out and signed while your loved one has the mental capacity to do so. These should primarily include durable powers of attorney (for financial and legal matters and for health care matters), and maybe even a living will. These will allow you to make decisions even if you are not physically present to consult with others.

Create An Action Plan For All Family Members

Creating a plan that all family members will follow is important not just to ensure that your loved one does not feel neglected. It also ensures that in case of emergencies, everyone knows what to do even if you aren’t around. A communication network should be set up to have a way to let other members know what is happening. A schedule for visits has to be implemented, to fill in those long gaps when you yourself cannot visit. Other tasks also need to be scheduled so that the other needs of your loved one in assisted living are met.

Take Care of YOURSELF...

In a previous post, I introduced the core components of an assisted living residency agreement . Unless you’re an attorney, these agreements can be quite intimidating. In fact, many families don’t even read them closely, much less bring them to an attorney for review.

With contracts, many things are negotiable, so don’t hesitate to ask. This is especially true if the facility has many vacancies.

The purpose of the Understanding Residency Agreements series is to provide a basic understanding of these core components. The contract we’ll use as an example is from a major corporate assisted living company. Many of these contracts can be found by searching Google, but I believe this agreement serves as good example.

This post will discuss living accommodations and the term of the agreement.

I. Living Accommodations

This section of the contract describes the unit and common areas to be leased by the resident. The language in this section is fairly self-explanatory.

Some things to be aware of include:

• Confirm the exact unit identified in the contract is the unit you’ve agreed to rent
• Confirm your loved one, his/her friends and your family have the right to use common areas. These are areas of the facility that are freely available to residents, although some facilities put restrictions on who can use them.

II. Term of Residency Agreement

This section of the contract defines the term of the agreement and what happens at termination. In the example contract, the resident’s rights to ownership are defined (there are none), the length of the agreement is defined, and the “what do to” at termination and with personal property is defined.

Things to be aware of in this section include:

• The length of the agreement should be monthly. Be cautious of longer agreements, especially if you have no termination rights in the event your loved one is no longer able to live there.
• No auto-renewal. In the event you agree to a term longer than monthly, ensure there is no auto-renewal clause. As you may imagine from its name, auto-renewal automatically renews the contract for a specified period of time, unless you notify in writing your desire not to renew. If the term is monthly, then auto-renewal doesn’t matter as you’ll only have 30 days exposure financially.
• Limit obligations at vacancy. Whether it be due to health or death, inquire about your obligations in the event your loved one is no longer able to reside in the community. Some examples include: How long are you obligated to pay after your loved on has left? How long do you have to remove belongings?
• Reasonable notice. Ensure your loved one is provided reasonable notice before the facility shows your unit to a potential resident. 24-48 hours is reasonable in most situations. Try to avoid anything that doesn’t require n...